I recently finished studying the books of Galatians and Titus. Both are books written by Paul, but each has a completely different focus. I would not call them polar opposites, but studying Titus after Galatians gave me pause. The Galatians had bought into the concept that being a good Christian meant keeping the law. Paul wonders what happened to their sense of blessing and why they think they can finish by their own efforts what was begun in the Spirit. Titus was dealing with Christians who seem to think it’s okay to do whatever they want. He is told to make certain the Cretans devote themselves to good works. (Using two different words for good—what is beneficial and what is innately good.) On one hand, it’s pretty easy to see that the messages were different because the audience was different. But I am one person. The question for me was how to apply both books to my life.
When I finished Galatians I found myself particularly drawn to Galatians 2:19b-20, which says, “I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life which I now live in the flesh, I live in faith in the son of God who loved me and delivered himself up for me.” What does my everyday life look like if, in faith, I am living life both as crucified and with Christ living in me? I was still pondering this when I began studying Titus.
When I finished Titus my take away was a prayer that God would give me wisdom to accurately evaluate the benefit or value of the way I use my time. I was still regularly reflecting on the question from Galatians: how to live the reality that “it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.” In considering both the call in Titus to good works and the call in Galatians to live in faith I had these thoughts:
- Part of living in faith is trusting that God will lead me to the particular good works he desires me to do.
- The good works are not to be a work of human effort, but God’s work through me.
- God alone can correctly evaluate the benefit and value of any work—it’s good to pray about any undertaking I’m considering.
To me, this lessened the contrast between the messages in Galatians and in Titus. But I was still asking God what it looks like to live the life Paul referred to in Galatians.
One day, as I was thinking about Galatians, I found my mind wandering to a book, Resilience, which is based on letters a Navy Seal sent to a fellow Seal who was suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. The Seal with PTSD had become an alcoholic and the author asked him, “What kind of alcoholic do you want to be?” I thought that was an excellent question. Being an alcoholic means you have a problem with alcohol, but it doesn’t say anything about the response to it. And then I sensed God saying to me, “So, what kind of sinner do you want to be?” I think my difficulty with Galatians was that I know I am a sinner. And while I would like to say that Jesus has full control of my life, I know it is not the truth. I have a sin problem—just like an alcoholic has an alcohol problem. The question is, “What am I going to do about it?”
I want to be the kind of sinner who is repentant, who makes restitution, and who looks to Jesus when faced with temptation. I want to be the kind of sinner who does not have confidence in myself, but in Christ and his completed work on the cross. I want to be the kind of sinner who relies on God’s grace to love and serve. I want to be the kind of sinner who loves Jesus and welcomes him into my life—inviting him to reign whenever I recognize that I’ve been living for myself again. I want to be the kind of sinner who walks humbly with God; the kind of sinner God can use.
Considering the question, “What kind of sinner do you want to be?” enabled me to change my focus. It is true that I sin—sometimes by choice—but things happen when Jesus is at work in the life of a sinner. Christ does live in me. It makes a difference.
One take away about meditation from this experience is that it is not always a negative thing when one’s mind wanders while meditating on scripture. Instead of just trying to focus back on scripture, in the future I’d like to remember to first ask God if there is something he wants me to learn from my wandering mind. It just might be the Holy Spirit.